I am lost in alcohol, tired, confused, and utterly wonderful. I may not have the friends I long for, but it is a small price for the life I live. The count down to my next adventures has begun, and I sleep well, and smile through the shit knowing that. I put up so many walls, its no wonder I hit corners. Maybe one day the walls will come down, but it is hard to imagine life without them. How else will my heart survive any more attacks. My skin is too thin, and my wounds are too deep. my past echos, and my present is raw. why must it always come to this. everything is wonderful, and no one is happy. why must I be the bigger person and find the silver lining? I am sick of silver. I want gold.